Two Poems About Anguish [Poem]

anguish felt on a spiritual quest

I.

I stumble and stammer
all night in the rain,
tripping into puddles,
I'm drunk with pain.

Teardrops and raindrops
are now coalesced,
How can I be happy?
I'm no longer blessed.

I ventured far, so far,
escaped my home-nest.
but after all of that,
I failed my initiation quest.

I sought Sacred Knowledge,
but received a “Guru”'s wrath.
Worst of all is knowing this:
I'm astray on the divine path.

I am filled with deep horror,
as I look at the depth of my vice.
They are innumerable, I know.
To redeem myself I'll pay the price.

Thinking:
"in just a few days
There'll be another tragedy
Will all of my hopes,
ever escape grief's gravity?

Has all of this
made a permanent toll?
For the rest of my days,
will I just be a broken soul?

For my youthful dreams
have all at once evaporated.
My passionate ideals,
are, by reality, humiliated."

I cry:
"How can a romanticist,
like me, live without dreams?
I want to imagine anew.
I don't have it in me, it seems.

Oh God, what is the cause of this?
Can I please just blame fate?
Did I make a grave mistake?
I'll never know! That, I hate!"

My anguish reaches its apex,
as the rain begins to clear.
Is this just a twist in my life story?
I hope a new chapter's near.

II.

Does a clock stop when it reaches the end of its cycle, my dear?

No, it just keeps going on & on & on. Just like all of us, you hear?

There’ll always be more words to tell

some more things to buy and sell,

another morning woken up by a bell,

forever spent in this saccharine Hell.

Oh God! You gotta get me out of here!!

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